My mom is trucking along. She is on the therapy floor now. She has speech, physical and ocupational therapy everyday. She is MEAN!! We just take it with a grain of sand though. Hopefully it is something that will pass. She is still extremely confused and is not sleeping well so I guess I would be mean too. The doctor said that people who have had strokes or brain injuries always tend to be short tempered and rude. I wasn't there when he told my aunt that so I don't know if it is something that will last forever. We'll keep our fingers crossed. She's pretty funny at times but if she catches you laughing at her you're in for it. She was mad at me yesterday because I was asking her to sit down and she said "Yes Lord Elijah whatever you want." My aunt and I almost fell over laughing. We still get glimpses of her old self so we know it is in there somewhere. The therapist said that if you took all of your memories, dreams, hopes and fears and put them in a blender and turned it on that is what my mom's brain is like right now. We asked if it would get better and she said the age old answer "Everybody's different." That sure is an irritating answer. She said some people are miracles and some are statistics. We'll take the miracle please. My mom is already a miracle, I don't know if I mentioned this before but she has no paralysis anywhere. Amazing huh. As long as she participates in her therapy she can stay at the hospital. If she doesn't participate as much as the insurance thinks she should than we are going to have to put her in a nursing home for a while. Yep I said the insurance. They won't pay for her to be there if she isn't doing enough. Nice. Hopefully it won't come to that but we are thinking that there may be some point where she will have to go to one temporarily. One day at a time though. That's as much as we can handle.

I miss my mom.

We are back to having difficult days. But we have made a lot of progress this week. My mom got her catheter and trach out and got her jaw unwired. Her anxiety is through the roof though. She is no longer taking meds to control it the doctor said it's a stage she's going to have to go through. So in the meantime we spend our time with her trying to calm her down and reassure her. She has been extremely confused. On Tuesday she thought that she was in the hospital to have a baby and that her horses were being bombed. I asked her how old she was and she said 28 and that it was 1988. I told her it was 2008 and that she was 48 and she said "That sucks". Whenever they ask her where she is she says she is in the Fargo North Hospital. She hasn't lived in ND for over 20 years. She has most of her memories but she is reliving a lot of them. She didn't know that her parents had passed away so when my aunt told her she had to grieve over them. Luckily she cannot concentrate on one thing for too long. But she remembers all of us and our spouses and her grandkids.
The hospital called me this morning and asked that we bring up some clothes so she can walk around the halls. We don't have to wear masks and gowns anymore and my mom is not confined to her room. She is walking really well. She just holds on to someone for balance. She is weak, one trip down the hall and she's ready for a break. She wasn't saying "crazy" things today. She's mad and wants to go home. She told me "Sadie I'm not happy here." I said "I know" and she said "What are we going to do about it". She wants a definate answer on when she can go home which is something nobody can answer. She is being moved to the therapy floor today. That's a huge step. To be on the therapy floor you have to be able to participate in three hours of therapy a day. This will hopefully be her last move before she can come home.
She is not sleeping again, even though they are giving her sleeping pills. The doctor gave new orders today that she is not to take cat naps in the daytime and they are to walk her up and down the halls as much as possible to wear her out. Hopefully she will sleep tonight.

It was one month ago today that my mom was in her accident. The days have dragged by but the month has flown by. I was able to spend all day with her since Karl was home from work. We accomplished a lot. By the time I got there PT had already gotten her up and into a chair. She took three steps (totally assisted) but three steps none the less. Her nurse and I did some much needed maintanence on her hair and nails. We cut her hair...EEK. We had to shave it from the top of her ears down because it was so matted. Then we cut the rest up to her earlobes. It looks much better but I had definately better keep my day job. She didn't talk much until about a half hour before I left because she was so tired from her therapy.
Last night I asked her what my kids names are. She thought really hard for a minute. I said what is my little boys name that you play with all the time. She thought and then said Hudson. I said that's my babies name but what is my little boys name. You call him your little man. She was quiet for seriously like a minute and she was thinking hard. Then she said... Sunny? It was hilarious. I was like "Mom that's my dog but atleast you've got the right family." I asked her what Seth's little girls name is and she said right off "Madi".
She has made a lot of progress. We even got orders to be moved out of the ICU today. HOORAY!! But it didn't happen before I had to leave at 6:45 because they didn't have a room ready for her. She has to have 24 hr one on one care so she doesn't fall out of bed so staffing has been an issue to get her out of the ICU.
Lots of fun, ah.

Our little "Sudson" (that is how Karter says Hudson) is three months old today. He is so much fun. You forget so fast how fun little babies are. He talks and smiles all the time. Karl can get him laughing hard. It's hilarious. He has fat rolls everywhere! And his cheeks...wow. He's too cute.

When you think life is more than you can bare all you have to do is look outside of your bubble to see someone who is struggling more than you. The house we bought is in the middle of a "family neighborhood". The grandma lives next door and her son and her daughter live on each side of me. My house was the other daughters house. They moved a few miles down the road. Back to my point. The people we bought our house from lost their 13 year old daughter yesterday. She had a granmale(sp?) seizure in her sleep and passed away.
It is hard to say that you are thankful for the trials we are given but at this moment I am so thankful. My mom will recover. Even if she is different or has impairments we will have her. I cannot imagine the pain of loosing a child.
We have to live our lives like there is no tomorrow. Treat people like you may never see them again. When we didn't know if mom was going to make it I had so many regrets and so much guilt. That is obviously a normal reaction but if I had treated her with all the love and respect that I feel for her I would of had no reason for those feelings.
I am so thankful for my testimony of the gospel and the beautiful plan we have been given to have eternal families. What a comfort it gives to us to know that we will see our loved ones again. That death is only a temporary moment in our lives.
Give your parents a hug. Tell your spouse you love them. Love the dirty handprints on your walls . They won't last forever. I love you all so much.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Make a Smilebox slideshow

I saw my mom last night and this morning and I must be catching her at bad moments. Both times I have seen her she doesn't want to talk. She doesn't even try to hide it. I will talk to her and she won't say anything so I ask her "Don't you want to talk right now?" and she says "No". So we just sit there and enjoy the quiet together. She will tell me she loves me if I tell her so that makes it ok. They have been doing cultures to see if she still has the bacterial infection in her lungs and her nurse told me today that it has come back positive for MRSA twice. EEK!!! That stinks. MRSA is a "superbug" that is incredibly hard to treat and next to impossible to get rid of. It is still not bothering her but will be an issue. It is definately not something they want to spread around the hospital.
I wanted her nurse to tell me that her cultures came back negative because I want to take my kids into see her. I think it would do her a world of good to see her little grandbabies.

My mom can talk!!!!! What an incredible moment. Karl went to see her yesterday at lunch and we always talk with her when we are in her room we just know we won't get a response. Karl walked in and said "Hi mom" and she said "Hi" Karl was like "wo you can talk" and she looked at him and smiled. Karl asked how she was feeling and she said that her stomach hurt. He said they had a good conversation. She doesn't remember what happened and when Karl told her she was in a car accident she said "No I wasn't". She is definately a little grouchy which is to be expected from her brain injury but it was pretty funny the things she would say. She had planned to have a neck surgery done next month prior to this happening to have the arthritis in her neck fixed. We had the surgeon fix it after the accident when he fixed her broken neck. I asked her if she remembered that she was planning to have that surgery done and she said she did and I told her she didn't have to worry about it because they had fixed it already. She looked at me and said "I want that documented!" It was funny. It is so nice for her to voice her concerns and questions. She had quite a few. She asked how long she had to wear her neck brace, where Seth was and how long until she gets to go home. It was such a wonderful day. When we get one good day it makes all the bad ones disappear and we know that we will have the strength to get through some more. I cannot believe the miracle we are all watching. Heavenly Father has blessed us more than we could of ever imagined. One of the doctors told my aunt on Saturday that her recovery is unbelievable. He said she should not be alive. I don't know why this happened but I do know that in the month since it's happened my family has grown so much. We have always been close but something like this can either bring out the best in you or the worst. Thankfully we have all turned to Heavenly Father to give us the strength and guidance that we have needed. Not only us but the doctors and my mom as well. It will be forever impossible to describe the emotions we have all felt over the last month. Not only the sadness but the immense joy that has come to us also.
If you have a moment to listen to the words of the song that is playing it touches on the feelings we have.

Nothing like waking up to a winter wonderland in the middle of October.

Nothing like waking up to a winter wonderland in the middle of October.

Our little darlings ready for church.

Today was a good day. They finally gave my mom Haldal (sp?) last night. It is an anti-psycotic drug. She slept all night and was calm all day today. It's super frustrating that she had to be so uncomfortable all day when all it takes is a little shot. It's a strong drug though and it was the doctors last resort. When I got there this afternoon PT was getting her out of bed to put her on a board that helps her stand up. They strap her at her waist and chest to help her hold her weight. They wanted her to shift her weight from hip to hip and tried to get her to do somethings with her arms. She didn't do very well. But than when it is just us in the room with her she will do things we ask her to. So we don't know if she is just wondering why they are asking her to do things that seem silly or if she really can't get the connections through. I spent an hour trying to comb her hair out. What a mess!! She's going to have to have it cut off, short. It is so tangled at the base of her neck from her brace that there is no way to we will ever get it untangled. Plus the front of her head is shaved from where they had the ICP monitor. My poor momma.

My mom has had a horrible day. Which in turn makes all of us have a bad day. She has not slept for I don't know how long. Days!! She slept for 1-1/2 hours last night. She is thrashing around in her bed. They got her a new bed that has a netted canopy around it so that she can't climb over the side rails. I think it is harder to watch her like this than it was to watch her lay there and sleep and wonder what's wrong with her. She looks so distraught (sp?). It hurts your heart to watch her. Being anxious and restless is part of a brain injury but my family is not sure that is all that's going on. She had so many prior problems (depression, seizures, west nile) going into this that now we are wondering if any of those are causing her distress now. They switched her trach tube so she can talk but she wouldn't do it today. She is so different than yesterday. She would smile, laugh and mouth words to you and now all she does is kick her legs and roll back and forth. Keep praying for her.

My mom got to eat for the first time in 3 weeks yesterday. Can you imagine that. Three weeks without any food or water (she does have a feeding tube). Of course two of those weeks were spent unconscious.She was super antsy yesterday and they figured out that she was asking for a drink of water. They let her have a few sips and she calmed right down. She didn't get her trach tube changed yesterday but they promised us that it would get done sometime today.

It's snowing. Boo-hoo.

My mom has a bacterial infection in her lungs so now we have to wear gowns and masks while we are in her room. It is not causing her any problems she is more or less just a "carrier" of the infection but we could get it and get sick. She was supposed to be moved to TCU (transitional care unit) yesterday but her doctor decided he wants to wait because she moves around so much in her bed they are afraid she will fall out. She tries to mouth words to us. Some we can understand others we have no idea what she is trying to tell us. I'm sure she is so frustrated with us. Either today or tomorrow they will switch her trach tube so she can talk. She is not sleeping. Maybe 2-4 hrs in a 24 hr period. They didn't want to give her anything in hopes that she would just wear herself out but I guess they are going to tonight. She has gone three nights now with no sleep. I guess her body figures 2-1/2 weeks of sleeping should last a while.

My aunt Judy called me this morning (she works at the hospital) and said that we had been invited to stand in on the doctors rounds this morning. Seth and I went up to the hospital and when we got to moms room she was having an anxiety attack. She has become aware of her situation and is trying to figure it all out. It took us a minute to calm her down and try to figure out what she was thinking and try to answer questions that we weren't sure she even had. I explained to her what happened and she held really still and listened. When I told her what day it had happened and what todays date was she started to get really anxious again. She would try to sit up and was moving all over. The nurse had restrained her right arm before we got there because she was pulling at her trach mask. We calmed her down again and told her that this was just going to take some time to resolve itself. I told her that she needs to start doing everything the doctors ask her to do so that she can get moved up to rehab. I stayed in the room with mom while Seth went to rounds. They are going to have another neuorologist look at her and than they are going to have speech, occupational and physical therapists assess her.
She really seemed to be grasping what we were telling her. I asked her if she was hot and she nodded her head yes. I asked her if she was in pain and she shoke her head no. I asked if she wanted to get out of bed and she nodded yes. I asked her if she was scared and she nodded yes. We are going to try to always have someone with her now that she is awake. At least until she can be calm when she is by herself.
We kept telling her that her jaw was wired shut and that was why she couldn't talk but than I realized that she knows when your jaw is wired shut that you can still talk. So I explained to her about her trach and that when she was stable they would cap it off and she would have her voice back. That seemed to calm her down quite a bit.
The nurses transfered her to a chair and she settled down and went to sleep. I guess after two and a half weeks of laying down you would want a new position.

I was visiting with my mom today and I was telling her a story about how Sam is mad at Karl and I for making him do something he didn't want to do. I was laughing because it's funny to see how teenagers react to things. Karl said "you would of thought I was making him wear a dress" and my mom smiled and laughed (as much as you can laugh with your jaw wired shut and a trach in). It was so wonderful to see a smile on her face. Now we know that she is listening to us. She is still not following commands but her nurse said maybe she just doesn't want to. That would be my mom for you. I asked her to squeeze my hand while I was with her and after a few requests she did it. I told her she needs to start listening to the doctors so she can get moved out of the ICU and get on with rehab.

My mom had her trach put in on Friday. I saw her Friday afternoon and she looks so good compared to where we started. No more tubes coming out of her mouth, nose and head. She was still sleeping and they nurses were waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and than they would start decreasing her pain and sedation meds.
I just talked with her nurse this morning and she said that mom was on a trach mask from 5pm to midnight last night. The trach mask is when they take her off her ventilator and let her breathe on her own. They have to retrain/restore her muscles since she has been on the ventilator for so long. They will switch her back and forth off of the mask and the ventilator. Letting her rest for a while in between. Who knew breathing was so hard. She is not following commands though. She was before her jaw surgery so I know it is in there somewhere. She just has to find it again. She does open her eyes when you say her name and she looks at you.
Seth came last night from Colorado and Sy came from Salt Lake. Once Sy picked Seth up from the airport all of my brothers went to see my mom and Sy said that mom started to cry when she saw Seth and that she was almost crying when they left for the night. It is so hard to leave her there by herself. She gets lots of visitors but since she can't talk we don't know how much she understands and what she's thinking.
We just keep praying for her. That's about all we can do.

In response to the question "does my mom still need the trach?" They are going to give her a trach on Friday. It is only to preserve her airway though. She can breathe on her own but she has a lot of sucretions in her lungs so they have to suction her quite a bit and with her jaw wired shut they do not want to risk not having easy access to her airway. It will only be temporary though.

Now that my mom is doing better and seems to know that you are in the room with her my little Karter is sick. He has been throwing up so I guess I have to stay away from the hospital for a few days. That is the last thing I want to pass on to my mom. Throwing up with a ventilator in cannot be good.