Divorce

This is a post I never imagined myself writing. 

Karl and I are divorced. It has been a very long, hard, emotional journey getting to this point.

Karl and I were married twelve and a half years ago. I was 18 he was 21. Too young to get married. Many people told us that but I saw something in Karl. I thought it was love and security. 

We both came from broken homes and had no example of what a marriage should be. Our first year of marriage was very hard. We were given a great blessing when Karl's job transferred us to Montana just over a year after getting married. 

It was just the two of us now. No friends, no family. We only had each other. We began to get active in our church and addressed the issues that were causing us both pain. 

We eventually moved to Las Vegas where our marriage flourished. It was the best four years of our life. A time I will always cherish. We had an amazing church family, wonderful friends and each other. We were sealed in the Las Vegas temple during this time. It was beautiful. 

A year after being sealed we had Karter. He changed our relationship in ways only parents can understand. Karl was a nervous wreck! He was sure we were going to do something wrong. He was so excited to have kids. 

We began feeling that we needed a change. We didn't know what it was but we could feel something. We began praying to know what it was Heavenly Father wanted us to do. Not long after we began praying Karl's brother called us and said that there was a house for sale down the road from his in our hometown and that we should buy it. So we did. Everything went so smoothly and within a month we were settled into our home in Idaho. It was so hard to say goodbye to our friends and our life in Las Vegas but we were excited about being able to raise our family in a small town. 

I wonder now if that was not the worst decision we ever made. 

Hudson was born a year after moving back to Idaho. We were so happy to add another special spirit to our home. 

Things became challenging not long after that. We had two family tragedies. One was an amazing faith builder and the other was a faith crusher. They were both very hard, emotionally draining experiences. We experienced amazing miracles with one and devastation with the other. We saw sides of each other that we didn't know existed. Good and bad. One trial drew us together in ways nothing else could and the other ripped us apart and built an unseen wall between us. 

I am not sure how or why it all really happened but it did. I woke up one day living a nightmare. It was no longer my life. 

We have separated multiple times over the last two years. When Karl left this time I told him he had to choose. He did not choose our family. 

The last three years have been the most challenging of my life. I have prayed, begged, pleaded, compromised and in the end I still lost what I was fighting for. 

Karl and I love each other a lot. But it's true that love is not enough. 

I have faith in Heavenly Father and that He really and truly is in control of everything. I know that life will go on and someday I hope my heart will be healed. For now and always I am trusting myself and my sweet boys in the hands of the Lord. 

I was looking through a pile of pictures a few weeks ago and came across this one.

I think it is one of my all time favorites of Karter.

LOVE it!

In six days it will be an entire year since I last posted. And man what a year it's been. A long, hard, emotionally trying year. One that I am very thankful has come to an end.

Yet with everything that's gone wrong there has always been blessings waiting for us at the end of the trial. I have grown so much spiritually this year and would not trade the things I have learned and experienced for anything in the world.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that God lives. That He loves me and my family and that He truly watches out for us. I have also had to learn that no matter how many prayers I pray or tears I cry Heavenly Father has His own timing. He knows what I need when I need it and He knows when it is time for me to learn lessons in this life. Like patience...oh how I loathe that word.

We have the most amazing people surrounding us in our lives. Whether they are friends or family or friends that are as close as family we are loved beyond comprehension.

Karl achieved his childhood dream of becoming a police officer this year. He was given the opportunity to quit the mortgage business (HOOOOORAY!!!) and now works full time for our little town's PD. He loves it and we are beyond thankful for steady income, health insurance and paid vacation.

I am working four days a week at the best job in the world. I would LOVE to be home with my babies but I have an amazing job so it makes the unchangeable situation easier. My boss is my neighbor and one of my closest friends. I appreciate her and her husband so much! We work in a tiny town and have amazing patients that we love. I have to say that living in a small rural community is the best. I love it!

Karter is so big! He is in kindergarten and has a question for everything and if he doesn't have one it's because he has two. Some things that come out of his mouth are quite surprising. Some land him a spot in time out and others make us laugh at how his six year old brain thinks. He is a fairly sensitive kid. He loves his little girl cousins and has asked for a sister. He told Marissa that he wished Hollis was his baby.

  Hudson is four and is so naughty. Only he's sneaky about it. He quietly causes trouble and sits back and watches while everyone else gets in trouble for his actions. Little turkey. He has started to notice that he isn't as tall as the other kids his age so now we have to watch what we say to him. He doesn't like to be told that he is little. Although it's only in height. He still has something about him that draws people to him. I hope that he never looses that sweetness about him.

I may possibly make a blog comeback or I may go another year with nothing. We will wait and let it be a surprise.

And because posts are boring without pictures and I have been on a picture taking vacation for the last year I've decided to include a pic that my cute, single, successful brother just sent me. Just sayin... 

Thanks to all the troops and their families who are overseas and here at home serving our wonderful country.

Knock knock.....

Remember us?

Just thought I'd let you know we are all still alive and kicking.

Life has been busy, busy for us and all of the sudden I realize it's been six months since I blogged.

One day things may slow down and get back to normal...all though I doubt that.

So maybe one day I'll figure out how to accomplish all the things on my list in my new "normal" .

The kiddos are so grown up and on the go all the time. I can't believe I don't have babies or even toddlers anymore. I have little boys... Little

Boys that are so full of fun and life. With questions galore and comments that make you have to hide your laughter and wonder what must be

Going on inside their little minds as they figure out the world around them.

They are wonderful. A precious gift in my life. Even if I still count down the hours until bedtime.

I have been a serious slacker with my blog lately...

I'm not sure why...

I have lots to blog about....

A couple weekends ago my pal Brit and I went on a little overnight adventure in the mountains.

I didn't take my camera (cause I have no clue where the stinkin' thing is).

So I must direct you to her blog to see all the fun we had.

In this post she will tell you what our adventure was for and in this post she will show you pictures of us being serious dorks.

Have any of you ever heard of planking?

What a weird, weird thing.

We had a two hour drive to our campsite and we made that drive in the comforts of her farm truck (Brit's husbands' a farmer) which has no AC.

Kid-less!

It was so much fun.

We must of inhaled A LOT of bug spray that night because we stopped to get Brits nails done and to go shopping on the way home.

We were smelling just about as pretty as we were lookin'.

Brit is always good for being wild and crazy.

She is definitely an out of the box thinker.

LoVe her!!

A few months back I did a post about little Trever who was in need of a bone marrow transplant.

He was born with a genetic auto immune disease called IPEX.

There is only 50 documented cases of this disease.

Everyday of his life was a fight.

He was given until Christmas of 2010 to live if he was unable to find a donor.

They needed a perfect match.

After lots of searching for a perfect match and then settling for a not so perfect match Trever began doing all the prep that is required when you have a bone marrow transplant.

Once again he would have to fight....fight really hard.

Trever's first transplant didn't take.

So they tried again.

Trever had been doing fairly well....all things considered.

Unfortunately Trever contracted pneumonia in mid-June. Since his body has no ability to fight infections on his own it does not take much to make him seriously ill. It also does not take much time.

In a matter of days Trever was placed into a medically induced coma and put on a ventilator.

Trever's body shut down and his organs were failing.

On June 16, 2011 Trever's mommy had to make the hardest decision a parent should never have to make.

Krystal told the doctors it was time.

She asked them to unhook her baby from all the machines.

She wanted to hold her baby.

Trever passed from this life in the arms of his mommy on June 16th.

He was an amazing little boy.

He had a special spirit that touched many people's hearts.

He will be greatly missed.

I'm going to ask any and all of you out there in blogland that if you have the financial ability to make a donation to the bank account that's been set up for Trever and Krystal that you will.

Krystal has been a single mom Trever's whole life and has not been able to work due to Trever's serious health condition.

No life insurance company would cover Trever because it was always just a matter of time...

Trever was Krystal's entire life.

She had no spouse and no other children.

Her days, weeks, months and years were spent trying to save her son.

At times like this I am so so grateful for my faith and my beliefs.
Trever is ok now and one day him and his mom will be reunited.
Trever will have the chance to have a healthy body and a full life.

But even knowing all these things my heart breaks for Krystal.

A young woman in her mid 20s has experienced more pain and heartache than most will have in their entire lives.

She is amazing.

A blog has been set up in memory of Trever.

It has the banks information on it for donations.

June 8 ~ Sunset

I am late on this one and I cheated...

this is a sunrise not a sunset.

I have always wanted to post these pics though so I figured this was a good time.

I took these on October 31, 2008.

For some odd reason I was up bright and early and was able to see a beautiful sunrise.

This was the year of my moms car accident and we were all pretty exhausted from the weeks of ups and downs and all the time at the hospital.

I remember going outside and seeing this and being so grateful for the tender mercies that God had given us through out that trial.